These entries begin a few days after Anna’s funeral and cremation in July 2016. They are based on text messages, email and journal entries. Anna and Conal had been together since 1978.
September 15, 2016: My life seems to running at glacial speed. There is little joy in my life. All I do is Eat, Work, Tidy up, Instagram, Bed. Just the order changes.
I looked in a journal I had been writing in August and was shocked. I didn’t remember many of the entries. I had written, then forgotten, them.
I have slowed down, I am thinking more. My big decisions are “what to wear?” What to cook? Compared to some of the life and death medical decisions I had to make back in January … well, it is a long way down.
I can sense my mind working to build a new construct. There are foundations being laid. I am having thoughts and plans.
Conal Healy, Grief survivor
I can sense my mind working to build a new construct. There are foundations being laid. I am having thoughts and plans.
September 16: Yesterday was glorious. It was a day that will stay with me for months. Got out for a another walk. (Walks are not my thing. In fact, exercising in NOT my thing. That is for another time).
Headed to beach. It was perfect weatherwise. The water was crystal clear. The sky was almost cloud free and there were people in the water. Surfers catching waves. And it wasn’t too warm either. I walked. Took photos.
Exchanged pleasantries with people: “Wonder what the poor people are doing?” And kept taking sips from by water bottle. (Note to self: Buy new sunblock cream.)
Whether it was sun, the proximity of the ocean, the exercise, the break in the routine, the escape from cabin fever … I felt great.
I’d forgotten my grief and just enjoyed the day. I got home and the clothes on the line were dry. And I had a nap. It set me up for the afternoon.
About a month ago, I decided to force myself to in interact with people.
My natural disposition is sullen and grumpy – even when I was in a good mood. The big bushy beard doesn’t help. Also, Anns was very outgoing and loved talking to people. (And people shared their life stories with her.) I hung back in company, wasn’t social
So, as part of re-building my New Life, I decided to be more out-going.
Really it isn’t major things – saying “Good Morning”. When I’m out walking I try and make eye contact, smile and “Nice weather”, “What is the correct time?” “Have a good one”.
Sometimes it is just a nod of the head. It seems to be working. I feel good when people smile back. My world doesn’t seem so bad.
Think about this…
* Grief is a person’s normal, healthy response to a loss. It describes the emotions you feel when you lose someone or something important to you. People grieve for many different reasons, including:
* Death of a loved one, including pets.
* Divorce or changes in a relationship, including friendships.
* Changes in your health or the health of a loved one.
* Losing a job or changes in financial security.
* Changes in your way of life, such as during retirement or when moving to a new place.
