These entries begin after Anna’s funeral and cremation in July 2016. They are based on text messages, email and journal entries. Anna and Conal had been together since 1978.
December 23, 2016
FLASHBACK: We said farewell to Anna on a bright winter’s morning. It was July 4. That was over six months ago.
It was a packed house at the local crematorium. Anna was a very popular person.
As Anna requested, she was buried in a cardboard coffin.
We buried Anna in her favourite clothes – tunic, legging and her kick-ass over-the-knee leather boots.
Few people realised that we did approach the local Catholic priest to literally say a few words. Say a few prayers, offer comfort. Console people, but not too much God.
Long story short, he told Daughter and myself that it was an “all or nothing deal”. God with all the whistles and bells.
The priest did tell us Anna was now in heaven with the saints and angels.
This will come as a great shock to Anna who was an atheist.
(A few months later somebody was loudly lamenting the litany of great singers and actors who had died during 2016. Then they realized I was within ear-shot and they apologized of being so insensitive. I re-assured them by saying: “Anna is on the Heaven Orientation Tour Bus, with all the recently deceased Greats and she’d be directing them: ‘Okay Prince, we’ve had enough of your song. Mr Bowie, you are up next. Ali, hey sit down – stop dancing like a butterfly, or I’ll come over there and sting you like a bee. Alan Rickman, come sit beside me, Gene Wilder … you can come over too…’ and on it would go. Anna – directing the Great and Good in the afterlife.”)
There were photos, video and tape recordings of the funeral service. Nearly six months later I cannot bring myself to look (and listen) to any of them. Just too painful.
December 25: Christmas. I forget to pack Anna’s pudding that had been in the freezer, it was my contribution to the family dinner. There is disappointment. This is my First Christmas without Anna since 1977. Sigh.
December 27: I managed to get through Christmas without too much drama. I told my family: “I’ll be happy to see the end of 2016. May all bad luck go with the bastard.”
Did you know?
Traditionally, burial is preferred by the Catholic church and embalming is acceptable.
Cremation is also accepted by the Church, as long as the body is present during the funeral service. This means that cremation almost always occurs after the funeral. Although cremation has become more common, the Vatican has ruled that ashes cannot be scattered, divided up or kept at home. Instead, they should be buried, or kept in a sacred place approved by the Church.
Organ donation can be a controversial practice within Catholicism, but is now widely accepted, with many Catholics seeing the donation of organs as a final charitable act at the end of one’s life.
Grief: Facts
Here are some facts about grief/loss. Try thinking about these:
* It is universal. Just you cannot avoid death, you also cannot avoid grief.
* You cannot change what has already happened.
* Whatever you’re feeling at any given moment is what you’re supposed to be feeling.
* Your relationships with others will change.
* You’ll survive this.
