Grief and loss often hurt more at Christmas because the season magnifies absence, expectations, and memories. There is no right way to “do” Christmas in grief; survival is about permission, pacing, and small, kind choices.
Give yourself permission
• Allow yourself not to be “festive” or “over it”; sadness, anger, numbness and even flashes of joy are all normal and can coexist.
• Drop the “shoulds” about how you or others think you ought to feel or behave this year, and name the truth: “This is a hard time of year for me.”
Plan and set boundaries
• Think ahead about what feels bearable: which events or traditions you will keep, change, or skip altogether, and let others know as simply as you can.
• Build in exits: drive yourself, have a signal with a trusted person, and give yourself permission to leave early or cancel on the day if it’s too much
Honour the person who died
• Create simple rituals: light a candle, hang a special ornament, cook their favourite dish, play their music, or visit a place that feels close to them
• Make space to speak their name and share stories (funny and tender) with those who are safe; this often eases the pressure to “pretend they were never here.”
Care for your body and nervous system
• Try to keep some regular sleep, food, and movement; even short walks and basic meals can stabilise a dysregulated system.
• Go gently with alcohol or other numbing strategies; they can briefly blunt pain but often intensify emotion and conflict later.
Soften the loneliness
• Choose a few people who “get it” and let them know what you find helpful: talking, quiet company, practical help, or check‑ins.
• If family or friends feel complicated, consider grief groups, memorial services, or online communities where others are also grieving at Christmas.
Make room for mixed feelings
• Expect emotions to ebb and flow hour by hour; grief doesn’t follow the calendar and it’s common to swing between tears and laughter in the same day.
• If a moment of warmth, peace or enjoyment appears, allow it without guilt; these moments do not diminish your love or your grief.
If you share a little about what this Christmas will look like for you (who’s around, what’s changed since last year), some very specific, low‑effort strategies could be sketched that fit your reality rather than a generic list.
Are you enduring Grief/Loss? Know someone who is?
Would it help to talk to someone?
ACA-accredited therapist Con Healy works at Wisdom with Whiskers Counseling.
Contact : 0438 559 515.
Email: wisdomwithwhiskers@gmail.com.
