{"id":60,"date":"2022-04-30T09:26:08","date_gmt":"2022-04-30T09:26:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/?p=60"},"modified":"2022-08-04T04:53:56","modified_gmt":"2022-08-04T04:53:56","slug":"diary-of-a-grieving-husbandepisode-6-the-acid-tears-that-burn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/?p=60","title":{"rendered":"Episode 7: The acid tears that burn … are back"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

These entries begin two days after Anna\u2019s funeral and cremation in June 2016.<\/strong> They are based on text messages, email and journal entries written at the time<\/strong>. Anna and Conal had been together since 1978.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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August 18, 2016<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

TERRIBLE Thursday \u2013 It was an Eight Cry Day. The morning started at 4am and me at my computer keyboard. A whole lot of thoughts has been swirling around my mind for weeks \u2013 a sure sign it was time for me to write them down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I figured I could hang them around a framework that would distill what has been happen to me over the past eight weeks … since Anna died.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My brain might have been ready to re-visit those dark days, my soul and heart weren\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over the weeks, dealing with The Bastard Grief, I have developed coping mechanism. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t think about Anna, but I can get away of thinking about that grey space around Anna \u2013 where the pain isn\u2019t too bad. It is like having a bad tooth pulled \u2026. And checking the progress by exploring the cavity with your tongue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It soon became clear that I couldn\u2019t write about what has been happening \u2013 even with all my coping mechanisms in place. By the time I realized this \u2026 it was too late. Whatever progress I had  made throughout July and August was swept away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I realised that I have moved on from Anna\u2019s death. I thought I was at Square Four and crying kicked me back to Square 1. In fact, I felt like I was back at Square 2. I know what I had to do and how to cope. I now know how to play the Grief Snakes and Ladders Game.<\/strong><\/p>Conal Healy, Grief Survivor<\/strong><\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Once again I was crying those Grief Tears, the hot acid tears that flowed after Anna\u2019s death. Those are soul destroying bastards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By 8am I just wanted to crawl back to bed and sleep. But I had to start work at 8.30pm.  I went to work (from home) and would break down in tears at my keyboard across the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How did I deal with this mongrel shit of a day? Wine glass, had chocolate, ice-cream, some painkillers a warm shower and went to bed at 10pm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both the kids are having had nightmares about Anna. I am too. Am taking the antidepressant Endep and valium to sleep at night. And – unsurprisingly – the drugs are not really working.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


I realised that I have moved on from Anna\u2019s death. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought I was at Square Four of the Grief Snakes and Ladders Game. The crying kicked me back to Square 1. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, I knew I was back at Square 2. I knew what I had to do and how to cope. I now know how to play the Grief Snakes and Ladders Game.<\/p>\n\n\n

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THE RETURN OF PAIN:<\/strong> When you are on the Grief Roller Coaster.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Woke up the next morning feeling better. A lot better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This morning I had a moment of clarity \u2013 I realized: Anna hadn\u2019t died, the cancer had killed her. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She fought that bastard right until the end but there was little she could do when Death joined forces with Cancer. It would be like fighting against a rising tide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I got to finish work early, got to the beach and went for a walk at sunset. Very peaceful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Grief? Try these for starters<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

* Name the loss you have experienced. Give it a voice. By naming the loss we retain power over the experience, but do not become a victim to it. This helps us to move from a state of denial.
* Find others who respect our experience, who themselves are not in denial about the experience.
* Reach out to people who support you.
* Give yourself permission to grieve
* <\/strong>Give voice to the range of feelings you are experiencing.
* <\/strong>Share with someone you trust will understand.
<\/strong>www.relationshipswa.org.au<\/h3>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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