{"id":1715,"date":"2022-11-24T21:52:34","date_gmt":"2022-11-24T21:52:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/?p=1715"},"modified":"2023-06-24T06:35:16","modified_gmt":"2023-06-24T06:35:16","slug":"dealing-with-depression-how-to-develop-a-self-care-routine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/?p=1715","title":{"rendered":"DEALING WITH DEPRESSION: How to develop a self-care routine"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

WEEKEND READ<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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LEARNING TO RELAX:<\/strong> A nice setting can help you relax, but it isn’t always necessary. Photo: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

 by Amy Marlow<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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AS someone with major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, I feel like I have been on a lifelong quest to take better care of myself. I have heard the term \u201cself-care\u201d casually tossed around for years and, until recently, it was pretty elusive for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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While I knew that I needed \u2014 and wanted \u2014 to be more compassionate toward myself, I wasn\u2019t sure how to actually start making positive changes. When I was in the midst of a deep depression or a gripping anxiety attack, the last thing I felt capable of was a major lifestyle overhaul. I wish someone had handed me a how-to manual on being kind to myself, because I didn\u2019t know where to begin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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After years in therapy, countless hours of Google searches, and a lot of trying, I\u2019ve finally developed a set of effective self-care skills that I use on a daily basis. And I have come to realize that self-care isn\u2019t a brilliant epiphany or a single life-improving hack. Rather, it is a series of small choices that add up to a healthier lifestyle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Read on to learn about 10 ways that I incorporate self-care into my everyday routine.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I start from where I am<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Self-care isn\u2019t all fancy spas or relaxing vacations. While I love getting massages or walking by the ocean, in reality I need to take better care of myself where I usually am \u2014 at home, in the car, at work, or out with family and friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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As frustrating as it can be, mental illness is part of my life, so I needed to develop coping skills that I could use throughout the day. Making this perspective shift \u2014 from looking outside for self-care to also looking inside \u2014 helped me cultivate skills and self-awareness that I can use to cope with depression and anxiety in my everyday surroundings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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JAMMED UP: <\/strong>You can self-care in a traffic jam. Photo: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I stay tuned in to my body<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Mental illness doesn\u2019t impact the mind alone: It\u2019s physical, too. Depression decreases my energy. I feel exhausted and have frequent headaches. Anxiety, on the other hand, speeds me up. My heart races, I sweat more, and I feel an almost uncontrollable energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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If I start to feel a persistent heaviness on my chest or a knot in my stomach, it\u2019s an indication that I need to pay closer attention to myself. <\/strong><\/p>\nAmy Marlow<\/strong><\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

For me, self-care starts with noticing how I feel, both physically and emotionally. Paying closer attention to what is happening in my body clues me in to what is happening in my mind. If I start to feel a persistent heaviness on my chest or a knot in my stomach, it\u2019s an indication that I need to pay closer attention to myself. Noticing symptoms early helps me practice better care and often prevents my moment of anxiety or depression from turning into a full-blown episode.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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CLUES: Is your body reacting? Photo: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I breathe deeply, all day every day<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When my anxiety starts to build, my breathing becomes rapid and shallow. I feel physical tension, especially in my shoulders and jaw. Taking a series of deep breaths helps me to pause and step outside of my racing thoughts. Inhaling and exhaling gives me an emotional release, and it also helps me physically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deep breathing increases circulation, releases endorphins, and relaxes muscles. I do my breath work throughout the day, not just when I start to feel anxious or depressed. What I love about deep breathing is that I can do it anywhere \u2014 in the shower, in the car, at my desk, and even while having a conversation. I can give myself a 10-second break, no matter what I am doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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WRONG MESSAGE: <\/strong>What are you telling yourself? Photo: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I am changing how I look at myself in the mirror<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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One symptom of my depression is negative thinking. I struggle with self-criticism, which definitely translates into how I view my physical appearance. My instinct when I catch my reflection in a mirror is to put myself down. Have you gained more weight? You look disgusting. You are never going to get in shape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I want to treat myself with more kindness, so I am making a concerted effort to change these thoughts. When my harsh inner monologue kicks in, I tell myself that it\u2019s OK to be frustrated about my appearance. I acknowledge my feelings as real and valid without turning them inward. Then I try to notice one thing that I do like about myself, whether it\u2019s a small detail of how I look, or something compassionate I did that day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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While it doesn\u2019t always feel natural to look for something positive, the good news is I can tell that a shift is beginning to take place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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TUNING OUT:<\/strong> Step away from the negative messages. Change the channel. Photo: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I pay attention to how I talk to myself<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A therapist once referred to the \u201cnegative tape\u201d playing in my head, and she couldn\u2019t have described it better. For years I didn\u2019t notice how much guilt, shame, and cognitive distortions impacted how I talked to myself. Throughout the day I had a running inner monologue that told me I wasn\u2019t lovable, didn\u2019t do enough, and should have tried harder \u2014 regardless of how well I had done or how much I was loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The first step in changing how I talk to myself was becoming aware. I began to notice how often I put myself down, or scrutinized my behavior. Once I even kept a tally of how many times I\u2019d criticized myself in one day. I started saying to myself, Amy, you are doing it again. Step away from the negative messages. Change the channel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I began to realize that I had a choice: I could tell myself something new. I now make a concerted effort to replace the negative messages with affirming statements. I tell myself that I did a good job, that I am a good friend, and \u2014 most importantly \u2014 that I love who I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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HAVE A MOMENT:<\/strong> Notice the world around you. Photo: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I created a \u2018mindfulness moment\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When I was very sick with depression and anxiety, mindfulness helped me create a space where I could both acknowledge the pain I was in and also find peace and stability in the present. I found it helpful to create a \u201cmindfulness moment\u201d to repeat every day. The \u201cmoment\u201d I created was walking my dog, Winston.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When I would put on his leash and start to walk him down the block, I focused intently on what I was experiencing: the chirping of the birds, the sunlight filtering through the trees, the temperature of the air. For 10 minutes, I was immersed in the present moment, and I found that the walk helped me reconnect with my inner strength. I felt a sense of peace by noticing the natural beauty around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Even today I continue to practice this \u201cmindfulness moment.\u201d In fact, I look forward to it every morning. I don\u2019t have to step outside of my routine to be mindful, instead I built it in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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TAKE TIME OUT: We all need time to be alone. PHOTO: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I take personal \u2018time-outs\u2019 when I need them<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Time-outs aren\u2019t just for kids. I\u2019ve found that I can benefit from the same concept (minus sitting on the bottom step at my mom\u2019s house). When I feel my anxiety or depression escalating, a tremendous pressure builds up inside of me. For a long time, I would stuff that feeling down and ignore it, hoping it would go away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Today, I practice self-care by acknowledging my symptoms and taking a time-out for myself. Sometimes, I need a short break, like a brief walk outside or deep breathing in a private room. If I\u2019m with a colleague, I say something simple like, \u201cI need to take a quick break for myself and will be right back in five or 10 minutes.\u201d I honor my needs while communicating directly with the people around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Taking these quick breaks prevents the pressure of my mental illness from building, and helps me determine what, if any, next steps I need to take to ensure my well-being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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JUST DO IT:<\/strong> Do you need more fun in your life? PHOTO: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I give myself 10 minutes of fun<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Depression can be, well, depressing. I feel heavy and weighed down, and having fun is usually the last thing on my mind. When I\u2019m feeling healthy, having fun is easy \u2014 I don\u2019t have to build it into my schedule. But when I\u2019m feeling depressed, I make a concerted effort to do one small fun thing every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It doesn\u2019t have to be skipping through a field of daisies, just a moment that brings me a little bit of pleasure. Sometimes, I put on my favorite music and dance in the kitchen while cooking dinner. I bought a grown-up coloring book and love to fill in the pictures while I\u2019m watching a movie. If my energy is especially low, lighting a nice candle and drinking a mug of hot tea feels comforting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Making myself have fun can feel forced, but I\u2019m OK with that because I know that on some level it lifts my spirits and keeps me moving forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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END OF DAY: <\/strong>Pay attention to your bed time. PHOTO: Conal Healy <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I developed a relaxing bedtime routine<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I\u2019ve struggled with sleeping for years. Going without sleep ratchets up my stress level and strains my emotional health. Because I have trouble falling asleep, I stop doing any stressful or work-related activities by 8:00 pm. I try not to have social engagements on work nights because it\u2019s hard to wind down afterward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Sometimes, I do a quick bedtime yoga routine (I\u2019ve found some great free videos online). Next, I prepare myself a hot cup of herbal tea and head upstairs to bed. I give myself a good 30 minutes to read before the time I would like to fall asleep, and I avoid getting on the computer or looking at email. If my thoughts are racing, I write down what I am thinking about in a notebook. When I\u2019m ready to snooze I flip on my noise machine, which helps me fall asleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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While this routine takes self-discipline, the benefit of a good night\u2019s sleep is worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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USE YOUR SENSES: <\/strong>See the beauty of the trees and sky. PHOTO: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I engage all of my senses<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I tend to get trapped in my own thoughts and feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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In therapy, I\u2019ve learned how to use my senses of sight, touch, taste, smell, and sound to shift my focus. Each of my five senses is important and engages different parts of my brain, and affects my mood. The simple act of feeding my senses brings me back into the present moment, making me feel more safe and grounded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I look outside \u2014 and really look \u2014 at the beauty of the trees and sky. I listen to music, which can soothe or energize me, depending on what I need to hear. I try new recipes so that I can experience different flavors and engage my sense of taste. I use touch to calm down by petting my dog. When I wash the dishes, I focus on how the water and soap feel on my hands. I love using essential oils to cope with anxiety \u2014 I carry a bottle of lavender oil in my purse and if I begin to feel afraid or unsettled, I pull it out and breathe in the aroma 10 times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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PHOTO: Conal Healy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The bottom line<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Developing these 10 acts of self-care has been a journey, one that continues today. The challenging (and fun) aspect of loving ourselves is that it\u2019s an individual process. I had to explore what works best for me, and I continue to learn \u2014 in therapy, from friends, and in books and online \u2014 about new ways that I can take good care of myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Each of these tools remind me that I can cope with mental illness and that I always have a choice of how to handle my symptoms. Every time I choose self-care I am reconnected with two important truths: that I deserve to love myself and that I, indeed, am worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Need to talk? Contact 0438 559 515<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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\nhttps:\/\/www.bezzydepression.com\/discover\/dep-self-care\/health-self-care-strategies-that-help-me-manage-my-clinical-depression\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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PHOTO: Conal Healy. Visit: https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/mick_in_the_middle<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For years I didn\u2019t notice how much guilt, shame, and cognitive distortions impacted how I talked to myself. Throughout the day I had a running inner monologue that told me I wasn\u2019t lovable, didn\u2019t do enough, and should have tried harder \u2014 regardless of how well I had done or how much I was loved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[83,1],"tags":[54,125,46,126,127],"class_list":{"0":"post-1715","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-life-hacks-2","7":"category-uncategorized","8":"tag-anxiety","9":"tag-compassionate","10":"tag-depression","11":"tag-positive-changes","12":"tag-self-awareness"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1715","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1715"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1715\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2454,"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1715\/revisions\/2454"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1715"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1715"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wisdomwithwhiskers.com.au\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1715"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}